The Nitty-Gritty - How we Decided on Our Venue

I can't believe it's been over a month since I first hinted about our wedding location to you.  Moreover, I can't believe it too us that long to come to a decision and sign a contract with our venue.  For some reason I thought we'd see the perfect site and sign within a week.  Well, we knew within moments of seeing the site that "this was it", but like M and I's relationship in general, we waited an appropriate amount of time to get serious.*

To be honest, I love our location, as you could probably tell from my last post, but I think it's worth talking about the process of deciding and how we became sure that Old House Vineyards was the right place for us.

Our first visit to the venue was on the same cold, rainy day we visited Bristow Manor.  While I was planning out our day, I noticed we'd only be about 30 minutes from a venue I'd seen online and dreamed about, and since we didn't make it that far south very often, I jumped on the opportunity.  So our first impression of the venue was this:

Rainy, wet, gloomy, and yet still gorgeous.

We couldn't even make it out to see the island or reception pavilion that day, it was raining too hard!  But we did meet with the owner and liked her right away, and and got to taste their wines (yum!).

My favorite - Rosie's Red

We had our misgivings about how far out from Northern Virginia the vineyard was, and of course, the price tag.  The rates she quoted us were nearly double our venue budget, and we even though we knew it was the most unique and beautiful location we'd seen so far, I didn't really think we could afford it.  But I couldn't give up just yet.  Since the Vineyard didn't have an in-house caterer, I started looking up catering costs in Culpeper, and found that it was significantly cheaper than all the venues we'd seen so far.  My budget was based on spending $50pp on food (a reasonable rate at the country clubs and historic manors we'd visited so far), but in this small town, catering could be had for closer to $20-$30 a head (and at some places for just $15!).  I re-ran the numbers and figured out that if we pinched our budget a little, we could afford this gorgeous location.

But even with that settled, I started to worry that we were crazy for putting this place on the top of our list.  It was expensive and we hadn't even been to the reception location or the island.  Another trip was scheduled only two weeks after the first, this time with FMIL Toshella to give her stamp of approval.  She loved it, the site was even more lovely up close, we got a detailed tour, and had figured out we could afford it.  Old House Vineyard could be ours!

But... was it worth it?  Requiring our OOT friends and family to rent a car and travel an extra hour away from the airport?  Asking all of our local friends to rent a room for the night since it was too far away to drive home?  We deliberated, and began asking friends and family what they thought.  Much to our relief, our friends were excited about the vineyard wedding and were completely willing to stay the night in Culpeper to party with us.  My mom and cousin reassured me that most of our family would rent cars or caravan down, and an extra hour of driving wasn't a huge deal.  We breathed a huge sigh of relief.

M had one more requirement before we signed - find 3 caterers in our price range.  He wanted to be sure that we had options if one or two caterers didn't work out or if we didn't like the food.  It took some creative budget finagling, but I was able to come up with three reasonably priced options that would give us the wedding food we wanted - more on that another day.

With all systems a go, we contacted the owner and told her we were ready to sign.  This began another three weeks of emails back and forth about the contract terms , where we considered just driving back down to Culpeper to sign in person (this got veto-ed when Matt's schedule changed unexpectedly).  The owner was really nice to work with though, and took my crazy emails in stride.  She was willing to change the contract to specify some of the things she'd said she could change in person (like the ending time for the reception), and finally we were comfortable mailing her our signed contract and deposit.

Assuming there are no more bumps along the road (cross your fingers for us!) we are locked in at our venue and date, and couldn't be happier!  Standing on the island where we're going to be married with Matt was one of my favorite moments in this journey so far, and I can't wait until 1 year, 6 weeks, and 5 days** from now when we're standing there for real.  :)

Okay, mostly we just look tired, but I promise, we're happy!

* Okay, not really.  We moved in together only 3 months after we started dating, and if it were up to me, we'd have been engaged about a month in. 

** Thank you, wedding countdown ticker!

All personal photos.

A Venue of Our Very Own

Know what this is....?

[personal photo]

Certainly not the world's prettiest envelope, but it does contain our wedding venue contract and deposit!  That's right folks, we are official!

 So now, I can finally, finally tell you about out amazing wedding venue.  Or maybe I'll just show you....

[src]

Remember this sneak peak I gave you?  That's the island we'll be getting married on.  It holds up to 150, and has a fountain backdrop that will be turned on as we start the recessional.

Close up of the ceremony site  [src]

They recently paved the 'aisle' leading up to the pergola with slate flagstones and created a platform for the bride and groom, so no worries about heels sticking in the grass, or slowly sinking while we're saying our vows.  The pergola looks gorgeous draped with white fabric and decorated with wreaths and flowers.  I can't even begin to imagine what we're going to do with it!

[src]

The benches in the pictures are above are no longer available, so we'll have simple white chairs for our ceremony, which I think looks just as lovely:

[src]

After the ceremony, guests will leave the island and find themselves at the cocktail hour, staged between the ceremony site and the pavillion.  OHV provides several round tables for us to use for stationary appetizers, and we'll have the bar open to refresh our guests.  I want to set up our guest book here, as well as pictures and other activities to keep our guests engaged while we're traipsing along the vineyard taking pictures.

Staging area for the cocktail hour [src]

The pavilion for the reception is gah. or. geous.  It's draped with white fabric, bringing in the tent-look I'd originally wanted, but is completely indoors.  There are large doors on two sides which open, letting guests mingle between the outdoors and inside, and benches we can use to set up an outdoor "lounge" area.

[src]

The lanterns and fabric are already set up, and although there isn't A/C the owner has assured us that it stays pretty cool because the fabric traps the heat in the upper ceiling, and the fans circulate the air.  If nothing else, we'll have lots of cool drinks!

Set up with round tables, which is what we'll do [src]

So, do you like?  Was it worth the wait?   I'll talk tomorrow a little bit about why it took us so long to make up our minds and send the contract in, as well as some of the hard questions we asked ourselves when settling on a venue.

Sorry for the lack of personal pictures (such a bad blogger!), my camera died when we visited.  I'll be sure to get plenty of pics the next time we're down there! 

Varied Venues: On the right track

Our venue search is dwindling down now that M and I have all but signed the contract on our dream location.  On our way to this point though, we stopped and viewed two other possible wedding locations, both of which had promise.

Bristow Manor:
It was a dark and stormy day when we arrived, sopping wet, at Bristow Manor for their Bridal Show.  I'd seen the golf club online and admired the historic building (much like Stoneleigh Golf Club), proximity to airports and hotels, and affordable price.  I found out they were having a Bridal Show through the Knot and figured it would be a good time to check out the venue and see some local vendors.  One of my college friends was visiting that weekend and she was a good sport to come along with M and I and take pictures for us!

The entrance to Bristow was open and welcoming, despite the monsoon-like rain

The Bridal Show was fun - we got complimentary mimosas and bellinis, tastes of cake and appetizers, and oh right, info about the site.  Our first stop was upstairs to see the ceremony location - held on the front lawn, the best view is from the upper balcony:

 We were a little... underwhelmed.  While ceremony pictures looked lovely between the majestic columns, we weren't loving the whole "turn around and walk toward... a hedge? A street?" right after we were married.  In addition, the hedge didn't really block traffic noise or sights (though in all fairness, it wasn't a particularly busy road).  Still, we didn't rule it out immediately, we wanted to see the rest of the manor first.

It really is a lot nicer from this angle!  [source]

We moved on to the reception hall, which is connected to the main building by a covered walkway to the left of the entrance (you can see the windows in the above picture).  It was a little perilous crossing the stone porch in the rain, but the reception pavilion was cozy and dry. 

Actually, it was a little too cozy.  With vendor stands lining every wall and about 6 tables in the middle, the reception hall felt packed!  We had a hard time imagining 12 ten-top tables plus buffet lines, dance floor, etc in the space.  I can easily imagine a smaller wedding (maybe under 100) held here, but it felt a little cramped for our 125 person wedding. We did like the brick patio off the front of the pavillion (not pictured) and had it not been raining that could have relieved the tight-space issue.  But every bride needs a rain plan, and being inside Bristow during that torrential downpour made us realize that space would be really tight if it we had the "good luck" of rain on our wedding day.

*All pictures are personal photos unless otherwise stated

The Inn at Kelly's Ford

We stumbled across the Inn at Kelly's Ford almost by accident.  It was recommended to us as a B&B to stay in on our wedding night by the owner of the venue we chose.  As I was searching their website, I noticed they also did wedding, and since we were still open to looking, we decided to check out their wedding package as well as their accommodations.  I don't have any personal pictures because my camera died (always bring extra batteries!) but they have a lot of pictures on their website.

The Inn has two reception sites, Ripley Hall and the Area.  The Area, which holds about 400 guests, was much too big for our wedding and already booked for the date we wanted:

This place was huge!

Ripley Hall holds about 150 and was much better suited for our party, plus, not booked yet!  We liked the warm oak to match with our gold color scheme, open floor plan, and amenities like a slideshow projector (for that embarrassing video of our childhood pictures that I know my parents are already planning...).

Also, the very back corner of the room had a fireplace and cozy chairs, which was a nice touch for any bride who has been bitten by the "lounge-furniture" bug.  Too cool, right?

The Inn at Kelly's Ford is an equestrian center, so the entire site was full of rolling hills, pastures, and views of the Rappahannock River.  We could have our ceremony in one of several picturesque locations, from a fountain outside the reception hall to a gazebo overlooking the river:

Ripley Hall (left) and the Area (peak and right wing) with fountain in front

They have a lot of different catering options and tons of cool add-ons, like a horse drawn carriage or vintage car to drive you around the campus for pictures.  I could see our reception getting pricey really quickly once we started adding on features, even though their base package was within our budget.

The Inn has 6 cottages which would be perfect for the bridal party to get ready, or for the bride and groom to stay in on the wedding night.  Their honeymoon suite, The Silo, was modern and unique (a two story suite housed in, yes, an old Silo) but I wondered about navigating the spiral staircase in a wedding dress.

Top floor of the Silo

Honestly, the Inn would have been a very good option for us.  We were slightly deterred by the connected reception halls, though the event manager we spoke too assured us that there were never any problems with parties running into each other.  Had we seen this place first we might have chosen it, even though it didn't meet all the criteria I'd originally dreamed about.  We're still considering renting one of the cottages for our wedding night though, so it's not completely out of the picture!

Did you start seeing closer matches to your "dream venue" as your venue search continued?  Was it a tough choice between two venues at the end, or were you completely sold on a location?

Varied Venues: See all Posts

Varied Venues: The search continues...
Varied Venues: How to not find a perfect wedding venue

Varied Venues: The search continues...

Let's go back in time about 1 week, and talk about the three wedding venues my cousin and I visited that I never wrote about.  I told you guys at the time that I was already having doubts and thinking about canceling my appointments, but we did in fact go through with them.  We ended up having a nice day driving through Virginia wine county, eating lunch at a cute deli with slooooow service, and getting no closer to finding "the one."

Bluemont Vineyard:
When I first thought about having a vineyard wedding, Bluemont is the place that came to mind.  M and I have been here many, many times and always enjoy hanging out on their patio, splitting a bottle of wine with my cousin and her husband, and admiring the absolutely gorgeous view:

With an elevation of 951 feet, Bluemont can easily boast the best views in Loudon County [source]

They have a dedicated event space called The Stable which is practically made for weddings, and when we visited, was undergoing renovations to add a bridal suite and front portico.  I had some concerns though, like the distance from hotels (about 30 minutes), the twisty windy roads that our guests would have to navigate to get there, and, of course, the price.  The site fee was steep, and Bluemont has an exclusive catering contract which meant that we couldn't shop around for a cheaper caterer to offset that fee.  Sadly, the more we looked the more we fell out of love - the ceremony spot wasn't quite as picturesque as I was hoping for (though some brides have dressed it up nicely) and was practically on top of the reception hall.  Plus, they had a minimal backup plan in case of inclement weather, which is something I worry about more and more.
In the end, I think I realized it was not for us, although I do encourage any NoVA bride to check it out for a vineyard wedding.

Ceremony Site

Front porch for cocktail hour

Inside The Stable reception hall

Stoneleigh Golf Club
I was attracted to Stoneleigh because it offered the rustic, vineyard setting with all the amenities of a country club.  The Club itself was gorgeous - rambling stone walls, tiny bridges for photo ops, creeping vines - but the wedding area wasn't as appealing.  First off, the reception site was tented on a concrete top.  M and I are leaning away from tented receptions because we know how unpredictable the weather in May is, and don't want strong winds or rain ruining our reception.  Concrete instead of grass was preferable, but still not exactly what we wanted.  In addition, the venue had no backup plan in case of rain during the ceremony, which was held in a grassy field directly adjacent to the reception tent.  We also didn't like how close the two areas were, feeling like our guests might get distracted during the ceremony by caterer set up or feel like there wasn't any place to go while we were out taking our gorgeously scenic wedding pictures. 

Ceremonies are held in the corner of the courtyard

Adjacent reception site (with tent down for winter)

Overall, I just didn't get a great impression from this venue, and we moved on.

Bowling Green Country Club
Our last stop was Bowling Green in Front Royal.  A bit of a hike from the airport for our out of town guests, but with nearby hotels and a very affordable price tag.  We were shown two reception sites and their dedicated outdoor ceremony location:

Lovely, no?

The first ballroom was huge and oh-so-very 80s.  Think gilt everything and run down carpet.  I won't bother posting pics, because we moved on very quickly.   The second ballroom was equally large, but had been updated within the last 10 years so it was a bit more modern.

Set up for a company party with a 1920s French theme.  Ooh la la.

Still, it had a very "ballroom" feel, while I was hoping for something a little more rustic.  We sat down to talk to their coordinator and he explained in detail their catering menu, flexible setup policy, back-up rain plans, and every other question we had.  I'll admit, he would have been a dream to work with, but when we found out that they were already booked for our preferred weekend (Memorial Day) I took it as a sign that it wasn't meant to be.

In the end, the trip went as I expected - good exposure to new sites, and I learned a lot from the questions my cousin (who was married 3 years ago) asked, but still, no real winner.  My dream location would have to wait until the following weekend...  but you only have to wait until the next post.  :)

*All pictures are personal photos unless otherwise stated
 
Varied Venues: See all Posts

Varied Venues: How to not find a perfect wedding venue

Great Expectations

My maid of honor, my sister, is probably screaming right now because she has been waiting for me to post about the wedding venues my cousin and I looked at last weekend, and instead I'm posting something about Charles Dickens.

What is this doing on a wedding blog??

In actuality, this post is about wedding expectations.  I've talked about the fact that M and I set wedding goals, and a budget, but what I haven't talked about is how both of those are spiraling out of control, without us even spending a single dollar.  I've known about this for a while, and watched our budget spreadsheet creep up a thousand dollars at a time as I try ourt different venues.  But yesterday, I realized how truly insane it has become.  My mom and I were emailing about wedding sites, and when I mentioned we were having trouble finding a location, she wrote, "Dad and I will talk tonight about your budget (I think it is too low)."  I think my eyes bulged out of my head reading that.

It's a point of pride for M and I that were are paying for over half our wedding.  Our parents graciously offered to chip in a certain amount (which ended up being the same amount, and roughly 1/4 of our budget) and since we are DINKs* we felt like we could cover the rest ourselves without going into debt or breaking the bank.  Maybe this means we can't have our dream location or unlimited resources, but we felt confident we could pull off a classy, fun wedding on what felt like a larger-than-average budget.  My previously mentioned sister, after all, held a wedding for 50 people on a shoe-string budget of $5000 - I could certainly plan a wedding for 125 with over 4 times that amount.

*Dual Income No Kids

But the longer I look, the more it seems that our "elaborate" budget is too low in the Northern Virginia area.  We've debated cutting our guest list, but we are social people and (believe it or not) we love all 140 people that we're planning to invite.  We've expanded our location and looked further out from NoVA, into Richmond or Charlottesville, but it seems like wedding-inflation has hit those areas as well.  We've cut flowers to the bare minimum, my dress limit is $500, I'm looking into catering at $20 a person....  There isn't much left to cut, except our vision of the wedding.  We never imagined having a Princess Di (or Chelsea Clinton) style wedding.  We're pretty simple people and we know our limits.  Still, we know want a seated dinner for the reception, with a cocktail hour and nice touches like a quality photographer and a DJ to keep people dancing.  But whenever I browse sites like A Practical Wedding or 2000 Dollar Wedding it seems like the only budget-friendly option is to rent a park pavilion, have a pig roast, and throw a big party without the wedding industry's helping hand.

From 2000 Dollar Wedding:  Fun? Yes.  Us?  No.

I'm starting to wonder where the middle ground is.  How we can still have something that looks and feels like the wedding and reception we want, without going way over our budget.  And the more I read about traditional vs. indie weddings, the less I want to do with any of them.  How do we plan a wedding that feels like us - M and Y? 

No answers to these questions yet, ladies (and gents?) but feel free to share your stories in the comments - how did you tackle your budget and avoid cost creep?  What have you planned to make your wedding unique?  Did you buck tradition completely to save money, or pay extra to have touches that made the wedding feel special?

Crunching the Numbers

One of these days I'll talk in depth about how we created our wedding budget... but today is not that day.

Instead, we're talking more about the never-ending venue search.  When M and I first started planning this wedding, we didn't realize how hard this would be.  Even after we wrote and revised our wedding goals, and came up with a budget, we thought it would be as simple as "This place is pretty and fits our budget - let's do it!"  How silly we were.

Maybe for some couples it really is that easy - and maybe we'll still stumble across a gorgeous location that is airport accessible, runs a free shuttle to hotels, and is a little under our budget.  But probably not.  I think one of the reasons for this is that our "budget" isn't as straight forward as we thought it was.  We've been basing our estimates off the big ticket items - site rental fees and catering.  Our spreadsheet has things like flowers, my dress, his tux, centerpeices, hotel rooms, etc factored in, but wedding sites are complicated - sometimes they include hotel rooms, sometimes they include linens, sometimes you have to pay extra for a tent.  Trying to keep all that in your head will drive you crazy.

Not me, but close

So I've started copying out my wedding budget onto multiple tabs and filling in each promising looking venue.  That way I can see what the end cost of site A over site B will be and take into account all those multiple factors. 

My other organization tip, is that is you haven't already, keep all your wedding emails in one place!  I have a label called "wedding" in gmail that I use to file every single contact with venues.  That was all that information is saved and easy to find.  It also helps to email yourself a description of why you're ruling them out if they don't fit into your budget or they don't have the amenities you need.  That way you don't waste time trying to remember if you've contacted a venue and tracking down their information all over again.

What are your tried and true methods for keeping track of wedding information?  Have you gone into data-overload mode yet?

Location crazy

This weekend my saintly cousin (who will be a bridesmaid, even if she doesn't know it yet) and I will be trekking across Virginia wine country to see the next three venues that could hold the M&Y Wedding and Reception.  Except, just like last weekend, I don't think any of them will.  Even though they're all beautiful venues (one is a vineyard, and one is a historic site!) and I'd love to have my dream wedding there, practical concerns are making it hard for me to commit to any of them.

For one thing - at least 30% of our guest list is from out of town.  Mostly my family, as well as all my college friends from Illinois, and the majority of my bridal party.  I want to show our out of town guests that we appreciate them, and to me, that means making things as convenient as possible.  If we chose a venue 20, 30 miles away from the airport, we're just making life more stressful for everyone.

See that blue airplane below?  Only about 3 or 4 of our venue options are a reasonable distance from the airport.  Which makes me a little worried about the other 90% of our list - the outliers.

Possible wedding locations - told you I was organized!

Another concern is lodging.  I told M from the get go that I didn't want a hotel reception.  I've been to plenty of lovely weddings held in hotel ballrooms, but I wanted something a little different for ours.  He agreed, and that's what got us on the road we are today.  Except the further down the rabbit hole we go, the more I realize that hotel receptions provide so much convenience.  Being able to dress in our bridal suite, having everyone in a central location, a place to stay so no one drives home drunk, and of course - after parties.

This could be easily remedied by picking a location within walking distance to an inn or hotel, or finding one that has a shuttle service.  Except all the vineyard locations, barns, and most of the country clubs cultivate that "rustic, remote" atmosphere so well that there's no hotel nearby.  

Taking this all in stride, I decided to look into a hotel reception.  And when I found a hotel close to the airport, with a free shuttle, and a picturesque location that isn't the least bit "hotel"-y?  My heart started to flutter.  Then I wondered, what's the point of looking at reception sites out in Front Royal this weekend?  Am I wasting my time?

I still haven't decided.  I may end up canceling our appointments this weekend and save gas and my cousin's mind (she'll need it later).  But most likely we'll go, enjoy whatever wine tastings they shower upon us and a free tour of some pretty locations.  And just like last weekend, it'll help M and I grow closer to determining just what exactly we want and what isn't as important as we thought.

What do you think - should I cull the search to only venues close to the airport?  Have you been to a wedding as an out of town guest and found the commute inconvenient?  Has anyone thrown a vineyard wedding and figured out the transportation issue??

Varied Venues: How to not find a perfect wedding venue

On Saturday, M and I woke up bright, early, and excited to check out our first venues.  I didn't have high hopes that we would find "the one" that day, but it was the first step on our road to finding the venue.

[Source]

 Why wasn't I hopeful?  In my mind, I'm still picturing a rustic, semi-formal reception with an outdoor ceremony at the same location.  None of the three sites we saw on Saturday matched that description.  But we knew they were some of our best options if we wanted to stay in the DC Metro Area, rather than venturing into the Shenandoah Valley region.  Plus, one of the venues was very reasonably priced and we wanted to see what we could get for the least amount of money.

  Our first visit was to the Grand Atrium in Tysons Corner.  Since they have their pricing online, I don't mind telling you that this place was downright cheap compared to a lot of the other venues I'd gotten pricing from - especially wineries.  Still, we could tell from the photos online that the hall colors probably weren't going to be to our liking or fit in with our wedding colors.  This was confirmed almost immediately, as the entire place is decorated in hunter green and burghandy.  Not bad colors in and of themselves, but at this venue they were very overbearing and made the whole hall look dated.

A view of the bar and cocktail lounge, from website

The other problem we had is the split level style of the banquet hall.  Cocktail hour was downstairs, dinner was upstairs, dancing and cake cutting were back downstairs.  We had a feeling that some guests would want to mingle at the very comfy couches downstairs, while others would stay at their tables upstairs - leaving M and I to run up and down stairs all night trying to talk to all our guests.  Overall, we thought this venue would probably work much better for a business holiday party or meeting.  It would have been great for our budget, but we didn't want to sacrifice our style, our wedding colors (which have particular significance to us, I'll talk about this later) or our poor legs to do it!

Next up was Hidden Creek County Club in Reston, only a few minutes away from our house.  The nice part about this venue is that it is very close to the Reston Town Center, which has a ton of hotel and dining options.  It would have been so convenient to have our friends and family stay in a hotel just a few blocks away and be able to shuttle to the wedding/reception site.  Not to mention, going out for drinks or dancing after the reception would be a cinch.  Price-wise, they have several wedding packages and they were very flexible about working with us to make sure we stayed in budget.  The coordinator we had was super friendly and a delight to talk to.  No problems there.

The general flow was much better here - the ceremony would be on a deck with a nice veiw of the golf course, then our guests would move to a covered patio for cocktails while the new Mister and I take a golf cart out for some pictures (M was very excited about this!):

Covered Patio

Carting around to take pictures!

(I have personal photos of all these venues, but forgot my camera at home.  So you'll have to rely on what I could find online.  These are nicer though, since it's of an actual summer wedding, whereas all of ours look dead and wintery!)

Then we'd move into an inside reception area connected to the patio for dinner and and dancing.  It was all very nice, but...  In the end the place just didn't have the right "feel".  The reception room felt a little too crowded, the dance floor was oddly positioned, and again, there were hunter green accents everywhere (what's with these places and hunter green??).  We checked it off as a "....maybe" and moved on.

The third place was our best bet out of the three.  Fairfax Country Club was a little pricier than Hidden Creek, but we were hoping we could get a deal, because not only is M's granddad a member - he used to be president!  Honestly, when that name got dropped, I saw our coordinators eyebrows raise sky high.  I felt like I was marrying a Kennedy!

M - Is that you?

We also found out that M's parents had their reception here, which made it a place of Great Interest to us.  Despite the fact that it wasn't our ideal location, we were optimistic!  M had been to the club before, but they had recently remodeled the ballroom, so it was new to both of us.  It was lovely looking, and done in a very neutral palette with gold accents.  Happily, with purple and gold as our wedding colors, we'd only have to add in some purple to make it match completely.  The ballroom was spacious, the dance floor was huge and well positioned (not splitting the room in two, nor tucked away so people can't see it).  The coordinator was very nice to work with, the catering was reasonable, and there was a small patio outside that our guests could access.
Overall, it was a great location, and with a generous discount from being sponsored by M's granddad, totally within our budget.  So why wasn't I in love with it?  Maybe I still have my heart set on that vintage winery wedding, or maybe it all felt a little too stuffy (let's just say no one in my family is even a member of a country club!).  Either way, something felt off.  Thankfully M agreed with me, so we decided to continue the search.  It's nice to know the Fairfax Club is still there if we can't find anything better, but also nice to know we still have plenty of time and don't have to settle.

This weekend I'll be checking out a few more locations, and I have a list of probably eleventy-hundred more if those don't work out.  We're still getting a good head start so I'm not worried about a place not being available for our (very flexible) summer 2012 dates.  At this point it's just about scoping things out and figuring out what works for us and our guests.

Location, Location, Location

Two weeks into wedding planning, and I already have a spreadsheet that is 30 rows long and looks like this:

Names not included, to protect the innocent

 M says I'm obsessed; I say thorough.  When you're on a budget, you have to investigate every possibility.  And if you don't keep track of the details, you'll waste time trying to find information and re-tracing your steps.  Yes, I have emails from most of these locations that have all the same information as this spreadsheet, or links to websites where I could look it up again, but it's easier to have it all in one location so that I can compare, sort, and make decisions based on all the information that's important to me.

If you're wedding planning, and haven't put together some kind of organizational system for tracking prospective vendors, I highly recommend it!

The other reason M says I'm crazy is because there are places on my list that I'm not even considering.  Meadowlark Gardens, my dream location, is on the list, even though I know that at $8,000 their reception hall is way over our budget.  I don't keep it on my list because I love to look at the pictures and dream about "what if"...

Okay, maybe a little...  [Source]

 I keep it because I can use it to compare values and figure out what an $8000 location would get me over a $1000 location.  Also, I know that if I ever need to look them up again (we're still considering having our ceremony there and the reception elsewhere) all the information is easy to find.

So where are we looking?  Good question!  This weekend we're visiting three sites, all of them about as far away from my "dream" wedding as possible (this might be an overstatement).  Of course, no wedding is perfect, but it helps to write down these kind of goals with your beloved early on in the process.  M and I wrote several lists the first week we were engaged:

1. Priorities:  We wrote what our top three priorities in a wedding were (aka: where should we splurge in our budget), the lowest three (what we could cut out or skimp on), and the three things we'd be willing to put in some elbow-grease and DIY.  Our answers matched up pretty well, so we have a better idea of where we're going to spend our budget.
   And speaking of budget....
2. Budget:  Okay, not technically a list, but this was easily the most important thing we put together.  I'll tell you more about it an another post.
3. Goals:  When I read $2000 Wedding's post about creating wedding goals I immediately sat M down to write our own list.  While it doesn't look anything near Matt and Sara's list, it does look like us, and that's the most important thing.  I'll share this later as well!

With those three important decision-lists in hand,we can can make confident compromises.  Having an outdoor wedding is important to us, but staying within our budget is important, too.  We decided that an indoor reception was okay as long as our ceremony was outdoors (with a rain contingency), if it helps us save money. 

What kind of decisions did you and your honey make early on in the process?  Did they change as your wedding planning went on?  How are you keeping track of the data overload that comes with wedding planning?

And as the three places we're seeing this weekend....?  Check back Monday for a full review and details!  ;)

Dreams vs. Reality

I was never the kind of little girl who dreamed about her wedding.  I went to relatively few weddings as a kid, and even when I hit college and my cousin and sister got married, I was happy to be a bridesmaid, but the planning gears didn't start turning.  I think, in my heart, I didn't want to become fixated on a certain color or a certain aspect of the wedding and then not be able to do it.  All this changed about a year ago, when I'd been dating Mr. Toshella for about six months and began to realize he was truly my "one".  One night we were lying in bed, and for some reason started talking about wedding colors.  The next day, it was like a lightbulb turned on.  I trolled the Knot for purple and gold weddings and built up an imaginary wedding scrapbook on Evernote.  I didn't tell M about this (he already said I was pressuring him!), but in my mind I began to plan out my perfect wedding.

I knew I wanted an ourdoor ceremony, preferably overlooking water or maybe next to a gazebo.  The reception would be outdoor as well, on a patio or under a tent, though I was willing to fantasize about that perfect barn reception.  I wanted cute details to ensure that my guests had a good time - like complimentary parasols and flip-flops.  And above all, I wanted to have it at a winery - one of M and I's first dates was at a winery, and we enjoy spending our summer weekends sipping wine on the patio of our favorite spots.

At the time, I didn't think there was any harm.  With wedding colors already picked out, and knowing M's style as well as I do, I planned my modern, vineyard wedding.  My (impeccable) taste was validated just last week, when I finally got to show M everything I'd been planning.  Of course, he didn't agree with everything, but he love the idea of an outdoor wedding, and we agreed on enough to move forward.

So what's the problem?  Budget.  I thought I would be okay; I'd been saving for my wedding for a year, and the vineyards I was looking at were so far from DC I figured the prices wouldn't be inflated too much.  But I severely underestimated what a vineyard wedding- or even an outdoor wedding! - costs.  Last weekend we put together a budget spreadsheet, and I almost cried.  I knew immediately we couldn't afford the vineyards I'd been looking at.  At this rate, even a tented reception at a cheaper venue was very likely out of our budget.

All week I've been gathering alternate reception sites and my mindset has adapted.  I realize now we might end up with an indoor reception, or a less picturesque ceremony.  Or we might just bite the bullet and put more money into this shindig than we'd originally planned.  I'll share some of our possible venues, as well as the cheapest places we've found in the NoVA area later this week.

Stone Mansion, Arlington, VA

I'd love to have your opinion - have you had any pre-wedding dreams fall through?  How did you cope?  Is there anything you refused to compromise on?